We aren’t the sort that goes to auto shows, generally, but I found myself at the annual New England Auto Show tonight. It was your standard auto show fare: A lot of boring cars, boxy cars, ugly cars, and cars I’d never drive. Among the highlights, however, were the new STI and the Nissan GTR.

The production photos don’t lie: The STI certainly does look like a Mazda3. Yet there’s something about the squat hatchback body that I like. I don’t exactly prefer it to the previous generations, but in person the Mazda3 resemblance grew on me quickly. There’s wasn’t much of an opportunity to sit in the STI because it was on one of those ridiculous turntable altars, but the interior is typical WRX simplicity: clear gauges, positive shifter feel, well-bolstered seats.

The GTR has a very different presence from the STI, as you’d expect. It looks low, thick, and heavy; I’m not sure I like the heft that the shape implies, but I can’t deny that it’s striking. The bulging, vented hood isn’t as garish as I thought it would be (and, thankfully, it isn’t as comical as the bulge on the new M3). Unfortunately there was no convincing the attendants to let me take a seat in the car, but the controls are compact and cleanly laid-out. It looks like an excellent cockpit.

Enough praise. On to the ridiculous:

Many of the cars had their shift knobs removed. I’m sure that the Hyundai Accent shift knob is a hot item and all, but it’s hard to get a feel for the controls when you go for 3rd and get a handful of threaded rod.

GM had a Camaro concept on display. It had fake brakes and a poorly designed exhaust that looked like a discount Walker exhaust kitbash. Yes, I know it’s an unfinished concept. Yet I wouldn’t be surprised if you lifted off the Camaro body and found an ‘89 Fiero underneath.

It is laughable, sometimes, which cars are corded off. The STI, for instance, has no business on the royal turntable. Ditto the one Elise (a base Elise) that was on display. All of my track time has stripped the Elise of its aura. I absolutely love the car, would take one over almost anything else, and love seeing them;–but after you’ve seen one careen into the wall trying to follow you up the hill at Lime Rock, you can’t help but laugh at the idea of an Elise being so special that it needs to be surrounded by velvet ropes.

Ferarris and Lamborghinis were also roped off, as you’d expect. I can almost understand it. A misstep, en errant keychain, or a careless child–any of these can cause a fairly expensive scratch. The best part of the ropes around the exotics, however, was not what they kept out, but what they kept in: A massively idiotic tool of a guy who was attending the Ferarris. He claimed to have owned 9 of them, including “a couple of 360s and 2 430s”. Had he ever tracked them? Certainly not. He liked to show them and to drive them on weekends. Did he perhaps know the curb weight of the 430? Certainly not. (It’s 2950, for the record.) I asked him to compare the 430 to the 360, since he had owned multiple versions of both.
“The 430 is better,” he said. “Better in every way. It’s faster and I like it more. If I was going to get one or the other, I’d get the 430.” When I started asking him about some of the handling nuances, he explained the various modes, including Race mode, which “turns it into a race car.” He also explained to everyone standing around that driving a Ferrari is very different. “You have to drive it with your big toe. It’s not like a normal car, that you drive with your whole foot.”

It was the saddest, sorriest, most disgraceful display I’ve seen at a show. How hard can it be to produce someone who has tracked the car, or at least someone who can talk intelligently about the difference between the current model and its predecessor? Anyone who had read one Car and Driver review of the 430 would have been better qualified to represent the brand.

Oh yes: Nice job Jeep. I like having a 5″ difference in brake and gas pedal height. If the Wrangler is a tough machine, a man’s truck, why do you need to wear a stiletto shoe if you want to heel-toe?